Thanks a Latte

It's not a new thing that you can find a Starbucks pretty much everywhere you go these days. Despite its ubiquity, I think I've been inside a Starbucks one time in my life. That's not likely to change any time soon unless they start selling stuff like burgers, pies, or sushi. Or socks! That would be awesome if you could buy socks at Starbucks. You could be driving pretty much anywhere, see a Starbucks, and remember that you're looking for a new pair of Bombas. 

There are several reasons why Starbucks doesn't get much of my money. First off, as part of my religion I don't drink coffee or tea. Herbal teas are fine since there's no actual tea in them. People just call it tea because of what it resembles. Kind of like how eggplant looks remarkably like a plant. 

Some of you are probably saying, "Rob, there are a lot of other things you can get at Starbucks that don't have any coffee or tea. There's a whole line of Crème Frappuccinos that don't have coffee." 

Well, I'm glad you mentioned that. Back in 2010, my niece was extolling the virtues of the Caramel Crème Frappuccino. I was curious, so I decided to venture into a Starbucks for the first time in my life to try one. It was okay, but it tasted exactly like what it was: ice blended with milk and caramel with whipped cream on top. For that I probably paid around four dollars, and I'm sure it costs much more today. And that brings me to the second reason I don't go to Starbucks. 

Apparently the chai latte at Starbucks is one of the greatest things ever in the history of overpriced beverages of all time. A "grande" chai latte costs around $6.50. So for 16 ounces, people are paying six dollars and fifty cents (not counting the tip, and don't even get me started on that) multiple times per week. I'm sure it really is delicious, but at that price it means you're drinking about 40 cents with every swallow. For me, those prices are a little hard to...well, swallow. 

I wanted to experience what all the fuss is about, so I decided to make a version that doesn't have any tea in it. Celestial Seasonings makes an herbal tea called Bengal Spice that has the same spices that make up the chai flavor profile. All I did was heat up some milk in the microwave, steeped it with Bengal Spice, sweetened it with turbinado sugar and frothed it up. Then when it was all nice and frothy on top, I sprinkled on a little cinnamon. And I have to say, it's really good and it cost me pennies to make. I call it the WoW chai latte (if you know, you know). I still have no idea how it compares to a Starbucks chai latte, so if there's a Starbucks frequent flyer out there who will try the WoW version, I'd like to hear your opinion. 

I also made a homemade version of the Caramel Creme Frappuccino. It wasn't hard to find a copycat recipe online, and as I suspected it really is nothing more than ice, milk, caramel, and whipped cream (with more caramel drizzled on top). Oh, and you also have to add sugar so that it doesn't just taste like milk that sat next to the candy dish for a minute. There's also a Starbucks version that has coffee in it, so I made another one and added a little cocoa mix as a coffee substitute. 

The first one tasted exactly how I remember the one from 2010. In other words, it was just okay. The second one tasted a lot like a chocolate milk shake, but the cocoa completely overpowered the caramel flavor. But again, it only cost me pennies to make both of these. And bonus, I didn't have to stand in line next to any hipsters. But I did have to wash the dishes, so there's that. 

I know there are other people who refuse to go to Starbucks because they don't like huge chain companies that drive the local shops out of business. I really don't understand this reasoning. I mean, Starbucks started out as a tiny shop in Seattle. They were laughed at in the 70's when they set their goal to have 2,000 stores by the year 2000. They also aimed, "To turn the Starbucks brand into the most recognized and respected consumer brand in the world." Today, this goal is often cited as a prime example in business classes when they teach about BHAGs (Big Hairy Audacious Goals). Starbucks' success is the American Dream at it's best. And while I personally don't plan to spend my money there, if they start putting out a line of comfy socks, you'll see me there all the time! Well, more like maybe 2-3 times a year, because when you buy good quality socks, you really don't need to replace them that often.